Archives of The Cold Blooded News

The Newsletter of the Colorado Herpetological Society

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Humor

Snake Sales Pitches

Source Unknown

"Nervous"

It bites.

"Nippy"

A vicious bugger.

"Good Feeder"

It's eating me out of house and home.

"Shy"

It never comes out.

"A Sound Investment"

It'll cost you a fortune.

"Owner Going Abroad"

I never want to see it again.

"New Baby Forces Sale"

It tried to eat the kid.

"Needs Experienced Keeper"

It tried to eat me.

"No Timewasters"

No experienced keepers.

"Rare Opportunity to Buy"

I'm asking a fortune.

"Good Home Wanted"

It's big.

"Free To Good Home"

It's very big.

"Space Needed"

It's bloody enormous.

"Rare in collections"

Only eats rare unobtainable lizards.

"Hatchlings may be aggressive"

Heat seeking missiles.

"Snappy"

Wear kevlar gloves.

"Smaller morph"

Only grows to 18 feet rather than 25.

"Very Docile"

Won't eat, open your book to the force feeding section please.

"Impressive"

Ate my Rottwieler.

"Voracious feeders"

Strikes anything that moves.

"Tames down nicely"

Unapproachable.

"Excellent investment"

Depreciating faster than a Chrysler Cordoba.